Goodbye, Hikaru
by krym
Summary: Kaoru's dead.  Its too much for you, Hikaru.  I understand that.  I guess I thought you were stronger, but that doesn't matter now.  I'm gone anyway.  HARUHI'S SUICIDE LETTER TO HIKARU
1. Chapter 1

It's our second year, Hikaru.

Only dating for two, but it felt like forever.

I want to let you know that that was the happiest time of my life.

I can't believe we're only juniors.

How did we take on so much?

I can still taste your breath.

You have a weird taste, Hikaru.

It's not bad at all, though, just weird.

Cucumbers and melons, that's what you taste like.

Sweet and strong.

But you're such and idiot, Hikaru.

I love you anyway.

More than you know.

I remember coming home after a particularly hard day of school to find a limo waiting for me outside.

I never told you how much I really appreciate that, the limos.

It's stupid, it's over-the-top, and it's expensive.

It's still adorable.

You poked your head out of the limo and smiled.

You told me we were going to have a "commoner's picnic".

I bonked you on the head on my way in.

I've heard of big picnics before, Hikaru, but a _three-by-three-foot basket?_

That's a little much even for you.

You noticed I was sad and asked me what was up.

I told you the reason I was sad.

You weren't at school that day.

You laughed.

I wish I could hear you laugh again.

Kaoru would be heart-broken, you know, to see you like this.

To see what I'm doing.

But I've lost everything, Hikaru.

My mother, my father…

Now Kaoru's gone, too.

You're so detached, Hikaru.

You still go to school but you don't talk.

You don't joke or swing your arm over my shoulders.

Don't you remember?

You were a little devil.

I haven't seen you in months.

Summer break means I cant see you.

It kills me everyday, Hikaru.

It really does.

You don't pick up the phone or check your e-mail.

They turn me away when I come to your house.

Tamaki's going for me again, Hikaru.

It doesn't matter if I tell you now; you don't love me anymore anyway.

Kyouya gives me space.

Hunny and Mori don't visit anymore.

My family is dead.

I thought that you would make it through this, Hikaru.

You were so strong.

You seem suicidal.

I couldn't live without you, though, even though I know you could live without me.

That's why I'm going first.

I might as well get it out, now, Hikaru, or I'll never say it.

I love you.

I love you so much that I'm depressed when you're not around, and when you're here I feel complete.

There will never be another one for me.

I thought you were my soul mate and you mine.

I was wrong.

You fit me, but I don't fit you.

I'm sorry for being so imperfect.

I love you anyway, you know.

I wish you could catch me, Hikaru.

I wish you could sprout wings and fly me to safety.

I wish you could be my angel.

You were, by the way.

You always kept me safe.

Remember that thunderstorm in the church?

I do.

I told you I loved you, you know.

Or maybe you don't.

Maybe you didn't hear me.

It doesn't matter.

You know now.

I love you more than I want to be a lawyer.

I know that sounds obvious, but I also know how much it means to you.

I know you and Kaoru were going to hire me.

You wanted to be even closer to me, I guess.

That feeling doesn't exist for you anymore.

It does for me.

I need you, Hikaru.

I can't live loving this shell of you.

You want to know what the worst part about this is, Hikaru?

This shell is just enough like you to draw me in.

But he's so much not like you to break my heart.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I always will.

I'm sorry for being such a burden, but I'm gone now.

I'm finally letting go.

To my first and only love, goodbye.

Goodbye, Hikaru.

Signed,

Haruhi,

Your almost lawyer, almost family, almost love


	2. Chapter 2

It's been two days, Haruhi.

Two day, but it felt like so long.

I want to let you know that it was the worst time of my life.

We're so young, Haruhi.

How did we end up like this?

What were you thinking, Haruhi?

I've read your letter so many times.

I've counted the number of times you said my name.

Fourteen.

Fourteen times.

Your words hurt, Haruhi.

You were wrong.

Of course I still love you.

How could I not?

I don't think you realize how irresistible you are.

But Tamaki, Haruhi?

Would you really go out with him?

No, of course you wouldn't.

You already said that.

You're too practical to fall for a man like Tamaki.

Besides, the only boy I'd ever accept defeat over is already dead.

But then, so are you.

I will be soon as well.

But, Haruhi, here's the truth.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I'm sorry for being an idiot.

I'm sorry, because this is all my fault.

I'm so sorry, Haruhi.

Maybe I'll see you in Heaven.

I'll wait forever just to see you again, Haruhi.

You'll be mad at me for doing this.

Kaoru will, too.

But I can't be all alone here.

Our triangle went down to one.

Do you expect me to live like that, Haruhi?

Yes.

Of course you do.

You didn't think I loved you.

How could you, Haruhi?

Do you know how many times I've said it?

Do you?

My note will be shorter than yours, Haruhi.

You can't read it anyway.

I've already said all I need to say.

Haruhi, I love you.

Haruhi, goodbye.

Signed,

Hikaru

By the way, Haruhi, I said your name fourteen times.

**()()()()()()()()()()()()()**

**Wow, that was depressing.**

**This goes to Didyme the happy one, hitsugaya07, and kirakiracat6272.**

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**Sorry if it's not what you expected. (nervous laugh)**

**But anywho, please review!**


End file.
